Review: No Crack Hand Cream

I recently came across an Ebay listing for "No Crack Hand Cream." In the title it says "Try it once[;] you won't be disappointed." I must, however, take issue with this. For years, I have been using a variety of hand¹ cream that did  in fact contain crack. As you probably have guessed, I can type 300 words per minute as a consequence. Granted, most of what I type is pure drivel. As for the piano, I play a mean² piano. I can wear down a piano in about a week--right down to the ground.

That said, when I found the listing, I couldn't imagine not being disappointed with a crack-free variety of hand cream. And yet, disappointed I wasn't. Perhaps this was because I never bothered to buy the filthy stuff. Or, perhaps it was because, at the time, I was far to erotically engaged to be of any use to anyone, let alone a dealer of hand creams. But this is the subject of another post.

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1 not just for my hands? You really are sick bastard.^↩

2 by "mean," I of course mean average. I mean, I average average. Or rather, I average, I average average.<sup>3↩

3 Drivel, obviously.4↩

4 A footnote of a footnote? really?5↩

5 Meta-commentary? Really?5↩</sup>